Soul Detox: 5 Signs you are indulging in poisonous people

I heard the following analogy on MediaCorp's 90.5FM today:

Did you know that our skin absorbs the toxins caused by second-hand smoke? These poisonous chemicals DON'T activate only when we breathe them in; they slowly and subtly kill us through our skin as well, like how a creeper or a poisonous vine destroys a sturdy tree.

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One of the DJs jokingly said, "Well, maybe we will get immune to the smoke (if we continue to immerse ourselves in it)."
The other DJ responded, "No, there's no such thing as immunity against such poison. In fact, you will grow dependent on it."

I think it applies to our lives as well.

When we are in toxic relationships, we may not realize that we are turning dependent on them. Poisonous venoms creep and clutch onto us, thus suffocating us. Look at the number of men and women who decide to stay put in toxic relationships. Most of the time, we don't realize when we are being poisoned. We won't know that we're covered in smoke until someone bold  enough points to us and says, "Hey, you smell of cigarettes".

I want to write about a topic that is less touched upon -- toxic friendships. Venoms always come in subtly. Here are 5 ways to identify if you are in an abusive friendship, or being manipulated by others.

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1. Subtle discrimination, awful regression

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Have you ever known someone who tries to stir up hatred between you and your mutual friends? It could be something as subtle as saying, "Do you know that the rest of us just don't understand you? They find you weird?" I believe that we will never understand each other, even ourselves, fully, and there is nothing wrong with that.  But they make it sound like you are a criminal. They don't cite specific incidents, words you said or actions you did that caused others to think that you're 'weird'. More crucially, they would apologize a few days later for saying what they said, before starting the whole cycle again.

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2. Hurtful accusations, defensive reactions

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Don't you agree that 'friendly' exchanges such as name-calling are unhealthy? It is common to see guys and girls calling each other rude names such as "biatch ( or bitch)" or engaging in playful criticism. Words carry weight; they have the power to start wars and make heads roll. When you attempt to talk things through with that propagator, he would always retreat to a defensive all-win argument: "No one can be trusted, everyone is guilty". There is absolutely no room for chastening or even learning from mistakes. Just, "it depends on how you view it".

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3. The venom goes around telling everyone else about you, without talking to you personally.

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The one who conceals hatred has lying lips, and whoever utters slander is a fool. We all appreciate honest opinions to improve ourselves. Wounds made by a friend are intended to help, but an enemy's kisses are too much to bear. If anyone makes you start to think that something is incredibly wrong with you without pointing out particular incidents or stating any reason, run. Run away as fast as you can.

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4. You are forced into a robotic trance with that person

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There is no room for discussion when making meet-up plans. If he calls you up the day before, you've just got to go. Even if you were to just meet him for an hour, you must never say no. No matter what reason you give for turning him down, it is reportedly outrageously offensive.  And his guilt-trip tactic? Perhaps he will use all his social network platforms and start ranting about you, contacting all his friends to say how much you have hurt him, accusing you of playing victim.

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5. The ultimate hurtful weapon: Using God to hurt you

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I think we should never recklessly use words such as "Thank God He let me see your true colours".  It degrades you and convicts you as part of an unwanted creation ‑- that you are some awful human being that should cease existence.  I always believe that God is involved in building people up. Trials show the character of one's faith. Because God is love, He will never want to exclude sinners from His grace, unless they turn Him away.

By God's grace, He helps us to keep a clear conscience before God and men.

"and keep a good conscience so that in the thing in which you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ will be put to shame." (1 Peter 3:16)

“Because of this, I also labor that my conscience may always be pure before God and before all people.” (Acts 24:16)

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Many of these are happening because the poisonous vines keep spreading. When the sins of others hurt someone, the broken person goes on to hurt others. Take the second-hand smoke for example: Some people have NOT smoked their entire lives, but breathing in second-hand smoke gave them cancer. The chain effect occurs when their loved ones suffer with them in their pain. Recognize the signs of such toxicity, and cut the vine off before it starts suffocating you.

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